neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
