the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
