return my video game
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
