he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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