whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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