Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have fence marks all over my body
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
