Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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