I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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