Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
