i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
