im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My vagina is officially offended.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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