you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
