Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
