Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
