first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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