I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
