my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
