kristin has been a bad kristin
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
