Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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