I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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