Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
