I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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