I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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