she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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