I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
