Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
