Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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