Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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