Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
