Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
