You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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