It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
