after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
