This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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