Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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