At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
