had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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