What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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