A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
