Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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