Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
