when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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