You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
