i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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