Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
