i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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