I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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