i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
