I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
