My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
