my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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