he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
