Do you still have your period?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
