this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
