just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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