why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
