Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
