Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
